Simple acts of kindness

On a cold winter day he made his way to the nearest store and slowly stepped through the doors as they glided open of their own accord. He had dressed deliberately, but secretly, in his finest black pants and gray sweater with the faded green and blue argyle pattern along the buttons. It had always been her favorite. Checking that his hair was laying right in the framed mirror near the front door, he had slipped out as quietly as he could and made his way to the bus stop on the corner.
The clerk, in her official blue vest, watched as he browsed through the selection of bouquets near the produce.
"Can I help you, Sir?" she asked, noting the way he seemed to be carefully examining each bouquet, one at a time.
"What is your favorite flower?" he asked, looking up at the fresh faced young girl.
"I like daisies the best. What kind are you looking for?"
"Stargazer lilies," he said. "Do you have any?"
"Well, there's one in that bouquet, and one in that other one over there with the pink carnations. And one with the white roses, to your right," she said, pointing at each bouquet as she spotted them.
"You don't have one with just stargazer lilies?" he asked.
"I don't think so," she said in an apologetic tone. "Are they for your wife?"
"Yes ma'am. I get her a bouquet of stargazer lilies every year. I usually order them from the florist, but this year we just don't have the money. I was hoping you'd have them," he said, looking slightly discouraged.
"How long have you and your wife been married?"
"67 years come spring," he said smiling at the clerk. "Probably before your parents were even born."
The clerk smiled and nodded.
"We met when I came back from my basic training and I knew I wanted to marry her right then," he said. "She said she'd never marry a military man, but I knew I was going to marry that bright eyed girl." The clerk noticed that as he told their story a single tear had begun to form in the corner of his wrinkled eye and she began to tear up a bit too.
"So how did you win her over?" she asked.
"I wrote her letters the whole time I was gone. At first her responses her friendly, but nothing more. Then, as I told her about the dangers I was facing while in the war-torn country and my belief that God had it all in control, her letters started to read a bit differently. When I finally got leave to come home, she met me at the port with a sign that said, 'I can't imagine life without my military man.' That was 68 years ago today."
By the time he was done telling his story, the clerk knew what she was going to do. She pulled every bouquet the store had that contained a stargazer lily and asked him to wait right there. She ducked behind the counter and began to pull them apart, separating the lilies from the rest of the bouquets. When she had wrapped up the newly formed bouquet, she walked around the counter and handed it to the old gentleman who was standing with his hands in his pockets looking around, enjoying the flower arrangements around him.
"Here you go, Sir," she said with a bright smile.
"Thank you so much. My Joan will love these so much. How much do I owe you?" he asked, reaching in his back pocket for his wallet.
"This bouquet doesn't technically exist, so it's on the house," she said.
All he could say is "God bless you," as the solitary tear finally made its way down his crinkled cheek. He gave her a warm hug and slowly made his way out the front door and boarded the waiting bus.

Step #1 to getting out of this funk

Last night I sat with my computer on my lap, nestled comfortably in my ugly mustard yellow arm chair, staring at a blank screen. I wanted to write. I had the time and attention span to write. I even had the proper amount of caffeine in my system to write. But I lacked one key factor, I did not have the inspiration to write.

This gray cloud has been hanging over my head for far too long. I want to give it an eviction notice, but I can't find a way to do it. I wish it would go for a walk to get some fresh air, and in its absence I could sneak into it's place and haul all of its belongings to the curb and change the locks. Then maybe I could write again.

I usually find inspiration by writing about a place or experience that is familiar, but right now, I wouldn't even want to skim, let alone read, those familiar experiences myself. My mind and writing have burrowed down to a dark, cynical place deep within me and I don't like it. Nobody wants to read that. Not even my mother, and biggest fan, would make it more than a few pages in that book. People want to read books that make them feel good about themselves, or stories that help them to escape the crap of their own life and lose themselves in a new world that a book creates. Nobody wants to lose themselves in the book that is written from the crappy place I have been mentally lately.

What it comes down to is that I need some new adventures. I need to travel and explore and just do what I love with people that I love to be around and forget my troubles. These adventures don't need to be anything grand. I don't have to go to far away places and do things that I have never done before, though that would be fun too. I want to again fall in love with where I am and who I am with already. It has been too long since I've played the tourist. A small cash flow and this dreaded winter weather haven't helped either.

Maybe this weekend I will take some time for myself. Maybe I will go to a downtown cafe in some other nearby city and just sit and listen to the people around me and write. It will very likely be crappy writing, but at least I will have gotten words on a page, and that is always step #1.

Is it possible to run out of words?

Some days I feel like words just flow so freely from my fingertips as I type out dialogue and set up scenes and conflict, but those days are too few and too far between sometimes. Maybe it has something to do with my busy days and short nights to myself. Or maybe my word cup is only filled so full for a certain period of time and I can write and write and write, but when the cup dries up I must wait for something to fill it up again. I wish that I knew what filled up that cup. I wish that I could say "Super-size my cup please and fill it as full as it can go."

I think one of the biggest things that fills up my word cup is the proper amount of sleep. I get less than the recommended number of hours most nights, so that can dry up my words quicker than anything.
I also think that being too busy can suck the words out of my brain. It's not that I don't have a few spare minutes, even sometimes an hour, to write, but when I get a sizable chunk of time to sit at my computer and allow my mind to wander through the story and carefully unfold the plot as I go words tend to flow a lot faster and a lot more cohesively.
Being in public helps too. I can listen to real dialogue and remind myself that people don't talk the way that I write most of the time. And I can watch people interact with each other and their surroundings and try to understand how they navigate through life.
These things really do help my story develop from the feeble meanderings I come up with in my brain and make it into something that people might actually believe.

It's not hard to convince people to stretch their minds around new concepts and things that have never been seen before, after all just last night I was in a sold out theater watching a movie about a sparkly vampire, but if I don't base my story in some sound life models the story holds no weight.

Random musings

A coworker of mine is moving to The Big Apple and made a list of things that she will and will not miss about living in Michigan. That got me thinking about what I would and would not miss about my life here. So I decided to do something that I do best and make a list!

Would miss:

~~ My family
I have always been really close to my family. Even when I went away to school I made the 2 hour drive home almost every weekend. And now that my niece and nephew are at fun ages {almost 4 and 7 going on 16} I would miss the time I get to spend just being silly with them and tucking them in some nights. And the way my niece loves me and my nephew tries to avoid goodnight kisses and then runs after me to kiss me when I walk away. They love me and I love them to the moon and back, because the moon is really far away!

~~ My church
As much as the people there drive me batty sometimes, I love it! I have never found a place where I felt more welcome and at home than The River Church in Holly. Nevermind the shameless plug!

~~ My friends
I have always been a bit of a loner, but I have collected a random assortment of close friends in my travels through life that I love dearly. Some I have known most of my days, and others I have met recently, but all of them are so valuable to me and I don't know what I would do being so far away and having to collect more friends in a new place.

~~ Up North
No matter where you live in Michigan's lower peninsula, there is always an "up north" whether it's Bay City or Mackinac there is a place to escape. Michigan has some of the most beautiful scenes that I have ever seen and I would miss them. From the great lakes we are known for to the quiet country towns that no one  has ever heard of there is somewhere beautiful just a couple hours drive away.

~~ Being able to use my hand to show where I live
I've been made fun of for answer the "Where are you from?" question by holding up my right hand and pointing to a place a little west of my thumb, but it comes in handy and I love it!

~~ Kid Rock
While I am not the biggest fan of his music, it's kind of cool to be able to say that I live in the same city as someone that famous! Sightings of him in my area are so common now that he rarely gets mobbed by fans. It's pretty likely that if you frequent a couple select restaurants/bars that you'll see him quite often.

~~ Driving
If I moved to a big city I think I would lose my mind not being able to drive. Driving is my therapy sometimes. It is only when I get behind the wheel and let the wind play with my hair on a dark country road that I can truly let go and talk things through just me and Jesus!


Would not miss:

~~ Snow
Driving in it, walking in it, looking at it, knowing that it's falling outside. All of the above. I really don't like snow! Spring comes too late and Fall is too short for me to enjoy winter. I would be content to have snow on Christmas day and have it gone by Dec. 26. End of story.

~~ "The Look"
The look is what people give me when I say I'm from Detroit. {I'm not actually from Detroit but if I said I grew up in Davisburg even many people in Oakland County would have no clue where that is!} The look describes their thoughts of "but she looks like a sweet middle class white girl, how can she be from Detroit?" And that look is further heightened when I say I live half way between Detroit and Flint, both cities ranked in the top 10 {maybe even top 5} most dangerous cities in the country! Again I am a classy, small town, white girl who probably wouldn't last one night in the D or flint for that matter.

~~ Ohio
Driving out of Michigan almost always requires a drive through Ohio, a.k.a. the armpit of America! It's a long, boring drive with nothing to look at except "touchdown Jesus" which burned to the ground 2 years ago. I'm not sad it's gone because it was an awkward site, even for Christians, but it at least gave you something to look at and talk about on a boring drive through the armpit of America!

~~ The UP
I am proud to be a born and bred Michigander, but there are just some things I don't understand! One of those is why the UP is even part of Michigan in the first place. It isn't actually connected and it's closer to Canada and Wisconsin than to us. But nevertheless, it is a part of my home state and I have learned to accept it.

~~ The economy
For obvious reasons.

Sanity lost along with the stocks page

I never thought my life would revolve around a stock page. You know the page most of us had to look at for a high school assignment about finances and then never looked at again. The one that is tucked in the paper behind the Money page (that also rarely gets the love it deserves) and has the teensiest font known to man. That page that no one under the age of 65 or anyone with a computer and a basic knowledge of this recent phenomenon known as the world wide web ever have to sift through.

But, alas, this week my life and mental health have hinged on that very page. People are never happy. I think I always knew that, but this week it has become very apparent. I answer the phones at a local newspaper (along with a barrage of other task that mean nothing to you) and people are never happy.

What is it about people that make them prevalent to drama? Why do we live in a constant state of dramatic scenes throughout most of our lives? The cameras aren't rolling people! We are not on a reality show! We don't have to blow everything out of proportion, because guess what? People don't care!

I am the friendly voice that will sooth your fears and quiet your doubts about this whole situation, but inside I wonder about you. Is your life full of people and activities? Or just the newspaper and stock market? Are you a financial analyst or trader? Or are you someone who eagerly pulls open the newspaper and begins the search for that one special page that will make or break your whole day?

I don't think I will ever understand you. But I will do my best to make you feel like you have been heard. So I say to you, "I'm sorry and we will try harder tomorrow."

1 negative vs. 9 positive: which would you believe?

Imagine you are walking down the street and 10 people are walking toward you. 9 of them say such sweet and positive things to you and 1 says something nasty. Which are you going to remember? Chances are the 1 negative will become a booming voice that shouts over the voices of the 9 others. So this is why we must choose if we will build someone up or break them down. And also, surround ourselves with people that will build us up instead of breaking up down.

I like this quote on the back of a Starbucks cup:

How many times have you been told you couldn't do something, and then said "I'll show you" and done it anyway? Not many of us have the courage to continue in a course of action when we have felt defeated so many times before.
One thing that I find most difficult to do is to sing in front of people. I love to sing! Especially singing to praise Jesus, but I have a hard time actually being on stage.
A former worship leader kind of ruined my confidence in that department. He probably didn't do it on purpose, but his actions spoke louder than his words and told me that I was not good enough. So I believed it, even though so many people have told me different. I've had multiple people compliment me, from sweet ladies in front of my in church that lean back and whisper "Honey your voice is so beautiful" to friends that tell me "You should be up there" every time a new female vocalist is brought on stage to sing.
I just smile and thank them for their kindness, but it doesn't go much farther. It's like there is something blocking their compliments from truly sinking in. Like that worship leader's actions are standing guard at the pass between my brain and my heart, not allowing anything positive to pass.
I'm not mad at anyone, just making an observation.
So badly I would like to get up on stage and sing like I know that I can. But when presented with the opportunity, it never seems to go according to plan. My nerves and that guy's actions get the better of me and I forget how to sing!

What would you like to do, but have allowed someone's negativity to get the better of you? Tell me that I am not alone in this!