Can you bring cookies to this event? Can you watch my kids on short notice? Can you stop and pick up this? Can you prepare that? Can you attend this meeting? Can you come to that? Will you cover my shift? Can you come pick me up?
These are just a few of the things that I have been asked this week alone. Don't get my wrong, I enjoy being helpful. But sometimes it gets to be too much. It's easy to be overwhelmed with the needs and wants of those around us.
Had you asked me to do something for you a couple years ago, no matter how last minute it was, I would have completely rearranged my schedule, cut into my sleep time and gone without meals in order to help in whatever way I could. But I have learned over the years that there will always be a need, and I can't always be the one to meet it. I used to feel awful if I had to tell someone no, but now I find it quite liberating! I like to be in control of my time and schedule. I will do what I can for those I love, but I know that sometimes it is best for everyone involved if I decline.
About a year ago, I was asked to babysit for a family that I didn't know very well. Being a single, 20 something girl in a large church leads to many requests to babysit for people that I often don't know at all. (I help out in the nursery a lot, so I know people's kids better than I know the parents.) When I was asked to babysit, I knew right away that I should turn it down. I was tired and cranky and coming down with something. But I needed the money, so I accepted the job. The kids were perfect angels until the moment after their parents pulled out of the driveway, then it was pure frustration. The oldest was running around screaming and tearing things up and pushing his little sister down. The little girl was crying and clearly starved for attention... And I wanted to cry with her! I made dinner, he refused to eat. He went to the bathroom and refused to wipe himself. We brushed our teeth and they both flat out refused. Deciding that brushed teeth was the least of my worries, I put them to bed a little earlier than their parents had suggested. I was so done. I shut their doors and sat down in the living room to cry.
I should have said no. It would have saved a lot of frustration and tears. But I am stubborn. I like a full schedule. I like the thanks for helping out. I like to be the one to save the day or give parents a night out. (Maybe, deep down, I hope that because I babysit so parents can go on dates karma will come back around and give me a babysitter when I'm married and want a date night.)
I have learned that I cannot always do these things. I can't put my mental, emotional, and physical well-being on the line to help someone else all the time. And I have learned that if I say no, someone else will be willing to step in and meet that need just as well as I could have, or usually better. I have learned to pick my battles and that it is perfectly acceptable to say no when I need to.
